


Are You There, Jess? It's Me, Sam Winchester

by dean_n_pie



Series: A Fic A Day [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Bittersweet, College!AU, M/M, Past Character Death, but also really cute, human!AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-22
Updated: 2013-09-22
Packaged: 2017-12-27 08:06:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 940
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/976422
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dean_n_pie/pseuds/dean_n_pie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam still prays to Jess.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Are You There, Jess? It's Me, Sam Winchester

**Author's Note:**

> Sabriel, past SamxJess, all-human AU (but Jess is still dead)
> 
> cutesy :) maybe a little sad, but more bittersweet than anything. this will rot your teeth though :D
> 
> enjoy~~

Sam pulled into the parking lot of St. Michael’s, lingering behind the steering wheel of the Impala. He’d driven to this church every night for the past week, but could never muster up the courage to actually go inside. He sighed heavily, then rubbed his face, exhausted.

"C’mon, Sam, be a man," he muttered. "It’s just a church."

He opened the door to the Impala and trudged up to the front of the church. Unlocked. He pushed open the door and glanced around at the softly lit candles. He walked slowly up the aisle, looking around to make sure he was alone.

When he reached the first pew, he sat down on the end, awkwardly perching there, hands clasped. His shoulders were stiff, his head was bowed.

"Uh," he started, clearing his throat. "Hey, uh, Jess? You up there, baby?"

His voice tapered off into a broken whisper.

"I don’t know if you can hear this, Jess, but I really just - I just needed to talk to you. And you’re not here anymore, so I guess praying’s the only way to go. I miss you so much, baby." He takes a deep breath, eyes already beginning to burn. He paused, trying to regain control, before continuing.

"Jess, uh - I met someone new. Well, actually, I’ve known him for a while, but it only really became serious in the past couple of months, cause I was still broken up about you, and -" Sam brushed away a single tear, steeling himself. "And now I’m rambling again. You always said I did that when I was nervous. Well, I am. Nervous, I mean."

"It’s just - I think I’ve found the one, Jess. His name is Gabriel. Yeah, uh - I said ‘he’. I know, crazy, huh? Dean was so shocked when he found out; you should have seen his face… well, maybe you did. I still believe you’re watching over us, Jess,” Sam whispered, finally allowing a couple tears to fall.

"Anyway, about Gabriel… he’s short. Shorter than you, even. He’s hilarious, Jess - he always finds ways to make me laugh. Kinda like you did. Not that I’m comparing, or anything… He pranks everyone, although he never does it to me. Me and him actually team up against Dean sometimes. Never fails to piss him off." Sam chuckled. "He has a sweet tooth a mile wide, and he always shares with me. Even if it’s his favorite." Sam smiled softly, thoughts of Gabe spinning in his head.

"You see, Jess, he gets me. Like you did. He almost seems to know, instinctively, when I’ve had a bad day, or when I need some space, or I just need some comfort. He just - it’s almost like he’s on this special wavelength that’s attuned just to me, and it’s -" The sentence was cut off, Sam trying to hold in the tears that refused to stop even though he felt more content than he had in a year.

"It’s just - it’s so relieving, talking to you about this. I can’t talk to Dean about it, he would just tell me to stow the touchy-feely crap, you know how he is. And I can’t talk to Cas, because his emotions seem to only work when he’s with Dean… so you’re my best bet. Strangely enough, it’s helping loads. Even though it feels like I’m talking to air." He finally lifted his head, staring up at the rafters above.

"You’d be happy for me, I think. That I’ve -well, not moved on, per say, but that I’ve found someone new, someone who makes me as happy as you did. And he does. Gabriel does. He makes me happy. He makes me feel loved, welcome. Jess, I - I think I love him." Sam grinned, almost wonderingly, still looking at the ceiling. "I really do. I love him. And… I think he loves me back."

Sam shook his head, almost as if to clear it. He looked back down at his knees, noticing the candlelight beginning to dim. He’s overstayed his welcome.

"Jess… if I kept coming back to talk to you, when I need it, when I feel like there’s no one else to turn to - would you mind?" He said, in a low whisper, almost feeling guilty about asking. But he will need it, someone to talk to when he’s feeling lonely, when even Gabriel can’t understand the depths of his mind - he needs Jess for that. For the lack of judgement (not that Gabriel would ever judge him), maybe even for the lack of response. He remembered simpler times, when it was just SamandJess, and then it hit him - if it meant he would never have met Gabriel, he wouldn’t want it. Gabriel makes him feel safe, makes him feel worthy - like he is more than he thinks. And he wouldn’t trade it for the world.

He stands up slowly, then traces the cross etched into the woodwork of the pew.

"Hope you’re happy up there, baby."

He walked to the back of the church, feeling as though a weight has been lifted from his shoulders, and damn, does it feel good. As Sam left the church, head high, he happened to glance back at the altar, where a single candle remained lit. It seemed to be flickering, a sort of waving pattern. Sam chose to believe it was Jess, giving him her approval and showing him that yeah, she was still watching over him.

He closed the door carefully, trying to make it seem as though it had gone untouched through the night. He made his way to the Impala, and then drove off, into the night.


End file.
